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Monday, February 18th, 2008
12:01 pm - Hello?
Haven't been here in awhile. Hello out there! I'm a published author now. Look up "Yakiri" on Anazon. or check me out http://www.yakiri.com

come and join the fgin. Support me today!

current mood: creative

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Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
6:18 pm - boo hoo
I'm so mad at Jake I can't see straight. He's deliberately avaoiding me ARGH

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Saturday, August 5th, 2006
11:45 am
Hi. I'm hanging out at myspace now as requested by a LOT of people. Anyone else there?
http://blog.myspace.com/yakiri
Yeah, I'm hard to find. Fricking NOTHING happening. I still need out of here. Eventually. Hard to keep believing I'll publish, of course i remember being in the hospital thinking I was dead, never thought I'd get to publish...

current mood: awake

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Tuesday, August 1st, 2006
12:41 pm
Troy came to visit. Now he's gone. I'm seriously thinking of asking him if I an move to Vegas with him. I hate Vegas, but it's out of here. Mom's trying to make Jim stop telling me I'm stupid. I'm getting nervous again, what if I nwever get published. I'm getting so nervous. I mean, it's everything I want. I don't need to be a best seller, just out there. important to someone. I woke up crying again. I don't know why. I was so depressed when I woke up I didn't want to get dressed or even live. A lot of days like that latly. I don't know why. I'm writing. I should be happy.

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Monday, July 31st, 2006
1:24 pm - ARGH
No, forgt it. I'm not coming home. I'll move to vegas with Troy if he'll have me. I'm not adaping to the potential death of my cat. I can't tolerate trying to find someonne new to love me

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Sunday, July 30th, 2006
11:47 am
Anybody out there haven't heard from anyone in awhile. Still trying to find somewhere to live, but need to save $ first. Laughed with EJ so much yesterday, I barfed. You needed to know that. Tired and achy today. Still praying for a miracle, but i'm losing faith.

current mood: sick

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Friday, July 28th, 2006
11:27 am - yipee
Now available: the history of the greatest pop/rock band that never was. The fan magazine for Time Spirit is now available(hard copy only. Email me for copies(wrknghavok@aol.com. Also available fan club membership, just choose Shadow Rider, Gypsy and Crazy. (Bonus points if you know who's who) Time Spirit members excluded. Wondering who Gypsy is seeing or if the Shadow Rider's been arrested for drugs? Curious to see if Crazy quit? I know all. Heck, I wrote half the songs.

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Monday, July 24th, 2006
11:25 am
Got myhair cut, shoulder length and straight. I'm cute!! Did I mention I stood up yesterday? Finished R&M book 3! now what do I work on?
stupid request:l can someone out there write me a snail mail letter? Just 'hi' on a stcky note would work. Email me if you don't know my address wrknghavok@aol.com or yakiri@aol.com

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Sunday, July 23rd, 2006
6:41 pm - whoo hoo!!!!!!!!!
I did it. The final physical restriction that has kept me home. I stood up by myself!!!!!! Can I come home ow? Just need some money.... I get my book published, I'll be there.

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10:30 am - *sigh*
hot today. nothing happening. Feel like writing. no one wants mmy stries if I die? :(

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Saturday, July 22nd, 2006
12:39 pm
Back to my old photo, I'm more comfortable with this me. Oh, new request time. i'm looking for two gaurdians, people who would inherit the rights to my storu ideas and work on publishing completed thing case I drop dead again, I'd have detailed files on my computer, explaining what was going on in the stories. For the most part, I trust most of your guy's writing. And I'd hate for the strories to die with me. Stories like Diary of a Loser and Plague Upon Man have thenes of actual social importance and I'd like them published. I'm writibng as fast as I can, but I'm trying to outtype the grim reaper, who knows how close he is now. Any takers? Requires little of you, just the interest in continung the stories.

current mood: artistic

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Friday, July 21st, 2006
4:51 pm
ARGH! Why don't my parents understand? I can not eat meat fat. I'm not being fussy. It makes me gag! Argh! I'm in trouble again and the dog cheerfully picked the brocoli out of her meal and I stepped in it! My agent can't read my file. In other news. Tomorrow, Raven and Mink, book 3, Madness and Mayhem should be ready for preview and raw edit. Anyone want it? Please? I need reviews on my stories. I got horribly lonely last night. I mean, it was bad. I woke up crying and I didn't know why. I was cold and lonely and I guess going back to Seattle won't fix that. No Jake, no car, no money. Only can see whoe ver would visit me, doesn't change that I'm not published or that the cat is old.

current mood: cranky

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Thursday, July 20th, 2006
11:41 am
Oh man, I can't stand this. During my early morning arm exercuses,Jim got started before I was ready and got mad I wasn't resisting. But he was going to fast. I wasn;t ready yet! Now he's furious, again off thinking I'm being whinry and pathetic. Sure, I drag me feet at times, but sometimes I'm just not ready for a full workout yet. Like with Jake, I'm expected to be so much stronger than I am. Remember the good old days? I didn't have to be strong all the time?? People loved me for me, I never had to lead. I was just Yakiri. But Yakiri is too wweak. She gives in to pain and discomfort. She loses hope and faith. I'm human, mortal even! I have real feelings. I cry. I disappoint myself. Things hurt and I want to avoid pain. Is that a sin? I'm trying. I'm comfortable with myself, sure I'd like a little more recovery, but I'm not sure it;s worth the agonizing pain and emotional pain of failing. I'm content with what I've got back. I can walk, mosly dress myself (but on a bra with one hand sometime). I function. I don't want to drive and the help I nbeed is jut company to fill ion the holes in my personality that have always been there, I don't use phones. Even t o order a pizza. I just need a human being to hug me and lie to me, say "it's alright". That's it. I need to believe it will all work out. I used to think that. But every day someone tlls me I don't think and I'm lazy and Mom is riding my case about my weight. Someday, I may try to lose weight. Last time I tried, I had a stroke, not at the op of my to do list and I'm comfortable like this. Really. I'll never be beautiful. I'm o old to pretend that can happen. I'm me.. Fat, stupid me.

current mood: angry

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Wednesday, July 19th, 2006
3:36 pm
Reseny Marigold Cotton to my agent, with the updated suicide note in it. I hate this picture of me, I look like a pig in a wig. Got to eat out today. Yum, except I have a stomach ache. I feel really dizzy today. Ok, WA friends, convince me to keep trying to come home. I could move anywhere I want to. I've never been to the New England area. What should I do? Ans seroius question: should i work on another plain fiction novel, orgo back to fantasy? Fiction sells better, but I'm bd at it and have limited ideas. I guess I should stop dreaming that Marigold will be a movie. Time to return to realiy, Meph is never getting cloned, I'll never write a best seller, I'm never going out on a date again, not that I ever went before. Gotta pee. (You needed to know that)

current mood: aggravated

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Tuesday, July 18th, 2006
12:23 pm
With a little luck, I changed my userpic to a more recent one with the damn black curls. I'm ashamed I look like a pig with hair, but at least I'm alive. Hi guys!

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12:05 pm
Doing well for myself this week, dressing, keeping myself with no help. lightening storm terrified my kitten last night. Meph's still anxious. I'm anious. I'm hoping, probably against hope that I can get published. OK, gds, just this once pull me through? but to what end/ being published doesn't get me a better boyfriend, clone my cat or get me a roof over my head. But it would make me feel important, or real. Anyone ever have the feelilng they aren't real? No one talks to me, I float from room to room like a ghost

current mood: blank

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Sunday, July 16th, 2006
4:09 pm
Oh piffle. Got my photo printer to finally work. Printed out the last photo ever taken of my boys(the ferrets). Oh, I miss them. Anyone want a roommste good with ferrets? Writing book three, thanks especially to Meow for the suggestion of adding a book to mke the story go right. Curses to her, howvwer because I have to write a whole other book. Won't be updating for awhile unless something special happens. Wish me ood things for a change. Had a heat stroke tpday. I can't survive another summer here. Ugh. Anyone in hte world want to review a short story? Monster in th Mirroi and Reflections are done, taken from personal experience. Anyone? I need my writing gang back, you guys have greatt suggestions, plyus I want to go to Denny's.

current mood: awake

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Friday, July 14th, 2006
12:58 pm
Aw. Just missed a phone call. Got so excited, thought someone wanted to talk to me. But no one ever calls me. It was probably for Mom or something. Got lost in Monster in the Mirror, felt very unreal there for a moment, like I was just the reflection. I think I'm gong mad. No one listens to me, or if they do, they forget as soon as I'm quiet. Could someone please visit and have dinner with me? And a hug. It's all I want. Nothing to do for my writing career but keep going. R&M book three nearly done. Had thid mad idea that they don't marry, that would louse everything up. It seems so trite. Of course they marry, it's the point. Poor dear Raven. I want to hug him. He's so upset and frustrated. Reminds me of me(big surprise). Mink can't help being a tease, it's what she is.

You know, this is silly, but I woke up this morning and I vry badly wanted to be drunk. Third time in a month I felt like that. But drinking is dangerous if you have bad balance. I'm a dry alcoholic. I think I really am. I'm nearing the point where I need help. The thoughts and hallucinations are beyond scary, they're getting dangerous. I can't sleep. Night time is night mares. Does anyone else have this problem? Or am I just crazy? I'm afraid to write certain stories, as if I'll fall in and never come out.

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12:07 pm
I'm in a better place. Sounds silly, but this is the third dream I've had that was very significant to me. No details. Told me to make a new friend. Felt right for a change. iting the Monster in the Mirrir short story today. As always, any short is available for review. I apologize to the four people who got my "Yak hates the world" email. I'm not usyally so pissy. i like email. wrknghavok@aol.com for any who care, no more cranky letters. Back to listening to my musuc. I dance now. Every day. And no more crying. I don't need to cry. Jake's toast. He was nice when I called Mondasy, but it's fake. Something's werong and he won't talk. I recovered from the horrible ending to Raven and Mink. I lit a candle for Mink's passing. Next fantacy storyu will beEderland. found someon unexpected in Ederland, a reason to fall in love again. Christine is coming to visit! To anyone else who wantsd to visit me. Invitation still open! I have a guest room and Jake ain't in it. To the few of you who get my snail mail letters: I'm sorry for the cat fur, Mephy likes to sleep in the envelope box. New envelopes will be purchased soob. Secondary silly note: I'm NOT lonely today!! The fighting between my parents is driving me mad. This is swear to my faithful friends: I will get published! And furthermore, when I do, I'm coming home, or somewhere, so someone had better clear off a couch for me. I can't stay here, in this room full of ghosts of me and that's what's here, who I was, who I could have become and me, this horrible shell of a woman(?) I wish you guys could see me, I'm dressed comfortably, no more itcht corsets I can't tie. Paisley and freakish patterns in comfy cloth, skirts, shoes that fit, no laces! popm-pom socks. You all know the pom-pom sock reason, right? If someone's pissed at you it's because ypu have pom-pom socks and they don't! :p

I feel like I settled something, just have to wait fpe a reply, a book contract or somewhere to live. But I know how much I have and what I need. I can make it on my own now! I'm me. I'm better than me. I'm Super-Yak. I must face the monster in the mirror.

current mood: accomplished

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Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
6:38 pm
Hi again. I'm calmer now, but I'm still mad Jim slapped me.Des it all have to hurt? If I save enough money, I can come home, screw if if I have somewhere to go, I can live on the streets. First poor dear ancient cat has to die or find a new home. In other news, I reread what I wrote yesterday. I'm a damn good writer... :)
Poor, dear Raven. I'm still mad my Raven gave me up. I remembered his birthday. Why can'y he reber mine? Or Christmas?

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